HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight?
WIFE: That’s a good idea… you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
Every time I yawn around my girlfriend, she would have the idea of just poking me in the stomach and, thus, totally interrupting the satisfaction I try to get from a natural yawn and she has done this since the beginning of our relationship. Fast forward to 5 months later - Now every time I yawn around her, she doesn’t have to poke me anymore… because I developed the habit of flinching in fear of her poking me which, ironically, interrupts my own yawns.
I wasn’t pissed the cop arrested me, I was pissed that the drug dog sniffed out a roach in 30 seconds that I’d been trying to find for 3 months.